


I Hope That You...

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Dorian stares at a letter, questioning whether to open it or not.





	

A letter sat on the table. 

It had been there for a few hours now, unopened. The intended recipient of it was, at the moment, studiously looking anywhere except at it.

The writing indicating who it was for was intricate, done by a cultured hand. The seal carried the symbol of a noble house of Tevinter. There was no question who it was from. The question was why he had written.

When Dorian had last seen Halward, he’d turned his back on the man in the tavern at Redcliffe. Not for the first time, that had been the last time he’d intended to see him. To accept anything he had to say. Except he’d tricked his way into that confrontation. At least it hadn’t ended how Halward Pavus had wanted. Dorian was self-aware enough to acknowledge the pettiness of that thought, but he still derived pleasure from it. 

The letter had come a few weeks later, long enough for Halward Pavus to have returned to Tevinter. What the man thought would be accomplished, Dorian didn’t know. 

He told himself he didn’t care. 

The letter sat there, waiting.

Dorian knew there wasn’t any particular reason he was avoiding reading the letter – it had been received, he knew Halward was attempting to speak with him, perhaps even was trying to mend things between them. The letter could say anything – that he’d been disowned entirely, his name stripped from all of House Pavus’s holdings, all references to him literally burnt out of all official documentation, et cetera, et cetera. But the fact it had come at all, even after what had happened in the Redcliffe tavern... Likely that meant that there was another attempt at ‘reconciliation’ held within.

Dorian still wasn’t sure if he could ever accept a reconciliation. Had it not been for Halward’s surprise appearance in the Redcliffe tavern, he would have kept up their lack of face to face interactions indefinitely. Apparently, despite how that had turned out, Halward Pavus still was making this effort.

The question Dorian kept coming back to was if he was willing to indulge the man. 

For years, he’d been the dutiful son. He’d done what Halward Pavus wanted of his heir. He’d studied. He’d learned. He’d practiced his craft and talent through until he could cast complex spells in his sleep. And yet, despite all of that... It simply hadn’t been enough for him. Hakward Pavus had demanded that Dorian continue the bloodline. Continue Tevinter’s demand to distill magic down and down to the perfect mage, the most powerful magic user. What this “perfect” mage would then proceed to do with their power, what purpose they’d serve for the Magisterium, the Archon, and the Black Divine was anyone’s guess, as was what exactly would be deemed as ‘perfect.’ Still, that was what was meant as Dorian’s purpose. To be the next stepping stone in this perpetual and possible futile attempt to make the ‘perfect’ mage.

And when Dorian had finally admitted to Halward that he had no attraction to women, that he would not place himself in a lie, a sham of a marriage, just to suit the whims and desires of the Magisterium, that he wanted a life of happiness, not obligation... Hakward Pavus had raged. He’d demanded Dorian give back to the nation that had nurtured him. He’d sworn up and down that Dorian could never find happiness without Tevinter’s approval. Dorian had run to the furthest corners of Tevinter, buried himself in the embrace of whatever brothels he could find who would indulge him – and, given his status, that was more than a few – in the name of word reaching back to Halward Pavus, causing scandal amid scandal to him.

Halward Pavus’s response had been to have Dorian secreted back to the heart of Minrathous so that he could perform a blood magic ritual, to make Dorian do what he’d wanted of him. 

After years upon years of hearing from Halward refrains of how blood magic was the last resort of a weak mind, the action taken by a person too self-assured of their righteousness, the choice of someone more interested in their own good, rather than the good of those around them, their society and countrymen... Halward Pavus had intended to rip away Dorian’s ability to choose for himself. To seek his own happiness. 

Dorian had escaped, and so far, he hadn’t looked back at Tevinter. At home. Although he wanted to do something – near anything – to help make Tevinter into the civilized society that it claimed to be, that he knew it could be, being there right now... He would only see the things he wanted to eradicate from his home, the things that were destroying it. And if all he could see was the infection, he would only be able to see cleansing it with fire as the solution.

And so here was a letter, from a man who’d once again looked at his options with his son and chosen the one that was right for the Pavus bloodline, but not his son.

After all, it hadn’t been remorse for turning to blood magic that had brought Halward to that tavern. No. Dorian had seen that clear. He had no doubt that, regardless of his words, Halward Pavus had no understanding of why Dorian had fled. He knew that Dorian had felt he’d had to, that the blood magic ritual was wrong. But Halward Pavus had still been insistent that his actions were in Dorian’s best interests.

_I only wanted what was best for you._

The words rang in Dorian’s mind. He could hear the hurt in Halward’s voice, but know that it didn’t mean he was hurt by what he’d done. No, he had been hurt at Dorian’s inability to see why he had done what he had. Why he’d felt it was necessary. He’d even tried defending it, tried to make it out that Dorian had been too selfish, too self-involved to realize that Halward had had his best interests at heart...

Dorian idly wondered how long it would have taken for Halward to turn back to blood magic to ‘control’ his ‘wayward son.’ Somehow, he doubted that they would have gotten far beyond the Tevinter border, at the latest. If he’d taken anything away from his attempt at ‘fixing’ Dorian, it was only that he’d erred by going to that particular extreme. But Dorian knew that Halward would never accept that he preferred a life where he was free to find happiness, genuine happiness, and let that happiness be known to the world. He could not find love with ‘some slave,’ he wanted a relationship that meant something. A man who would walk the path ahead of him by his side, not hiding their love behind backroom doors while he had to walk side by side with some woman who he would never be able to love.

He looked over the letter once more. Until and unless he opened it, he would never know what Halward thought. But what Dorian found himself thinking every time he thought about it was that he had no concern for what Halward thought. He’d made his opinions of Dorian’s choices clear: If Dorian was not actively trying to be a ‘proper’ Tevinter magister, then he was failing to live up to the Pavus legacy.

What would he gain from reading it? Peace of mind? Closure? A chance to know with complete certainty that he wanted the bridge between them to remain burnt, no opportunities to rebuild and repair it?

What would he gain from not reading it? Uncertainty? A chance to let Halward back into his life, only for him to betray that trust once more? Reading that in no uncertain terms he was no longer a member of House Pavus?

Without realizing it, hours had passed. The sun had dipped almost below the Frostback Mountains. He had been contemplating the letter for more than half a day now. He had light left enough to read the letter, if he wanted.

Dorian reached out and picked it up, considering it once more.

He set it aflame.

As the letter was consumed, he breathed a sigh of relief. No closure would come from anything Halward Pavus had to say. He’d had his chance, and he’d shown he’d learned nothing. He still didn’t understand why what he had done had broken their relationship, and if he hadn’t grasped it by now, that understanding was not likely to ever come. 

He could live without Halward Pavus’s involvement in his life. He could not live a lie. 

_You and your words  
Obsessed with your legacy_

_You have torn it all apart_  
I'm watching it  
Burn 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so "Burn" from Hamilton is about a different type of relationship, but it started playing while I was writing this, and the lyrics just seemed so fitting.


End file.
